She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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