You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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