yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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