Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
