Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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