I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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