Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
