I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
