The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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