he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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