sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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