So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I had to cum in my sink.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
