Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
