Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
