Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
