woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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