I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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