if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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