he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
