imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
