i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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