Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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