My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
