Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
