Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
