I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
