I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
