THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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