I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
