I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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