he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
