you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
