ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
