Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
