Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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