I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
