Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
