i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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