i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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