$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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