First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
