If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
