absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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