I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I wear drunk well.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
