And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
