They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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