About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
