my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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