It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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