and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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