Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
