last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
