I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
