I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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