i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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