There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
