I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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