im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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