My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dicks are not precious.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
